Moments While Living With The Cullens
by GryffindorPrincess23
Summary: A few moments when Bella was at the Cullen house. Please R & R!
1. The Dr Phil Show

It had been two months since the Cullens had left the small town of Forks, Washington. Bella Swan was completely depressed and almost zombie like and her father Police Chief Charlie Swan was fed up with her moping around depressed.

"Bella Swan I am completely fed up with this moping around the house not doing anything so that's why we are going to the Dr. Phil show today," Charlie said.

"Dr. Phil, me, on TV!" Bella sputtered as she walked up the stairs to get dressed. Charlie drove Bella to Seattle where the Dr. Phil show was being taped.

Meanwhile in a Seattle hotel room, Emmett Cullen was turning on Dr. Phil to watch it while the rest of the family minus Edward were watching with amused expressions on their faces.

"And today's topic is horrible breakups and our first guest is Isabella Swan and her father Charlie," Dr. Phil said.

"Bella," everyone said in the Cullen's hotel room staring at the TV screen. Edward burst into the room from moping in the small unused kitchen.

"Bella's on Dr. Phil with Charlie," Edward said and everyone nodded dumbly.

"So Bella can you tell us what happened?" Dr. Phil asked and Bella nodded her head no. "What about you Charlie?" Dr. Phil asked again.

"Well, Bella had this boyfriend named Edward Cullen, and about two months ago he and his family moved to LA because his adoptive father had a job transfer, and she's been miserable ever since," Charlie said and with that the Cullens ran out of their room at human speed.

"To the Emmett mobile," Emmett said and the Cullens ran out to the Jeep. As Dr. Phil finished explaining the post-breakup stages all of the Cullens burst into the studio and Edward ran up to Bella who's eyes had lit up like a child's on Christmas morning.

"Edward," Bella sobbed into his rock hard chest.

"I'm so sorry Bella, I caused you more pain by leaving than I would have if I stayed," he whispered in her ear.

"Well we are going to cut today's show short a little bit and then I will explain what happened on tomorrow's show," Dr. Phil announced and the audience sighed and started filing out. When it was only the Cullens, Charlie, Bella, and Dr. Phil left it was when Charlie snapped.

"Do you know how much pain you've caused Bella in these past two months?" Charlie yelled at Edward.

"Charlie please calm down Edward's been the same way," Carlisle said as Jasper sent a wave of calm over Charlie.

"If you don't mind I'd like to speak to Bella and Edward alone," Dr. Phil said standing up.

"Sure thing Dr. Phil, hey Carlisle are you guys coming back?" Charlie asked.

"Yes," Esme said.

"Well Bells I've got to get to the station so you can go with the Cullens after this," Charlie said and Alice squealed.

"YAY, shopping trip!" Alice said hugging Bella.

"Come on Alice," Bella sighed.

"No you are going shopping with me," Alice said.

"Come on love, away from Alice before she gets anymore brilliant ideas," Edward said dragging Bella after Dr. Phil. When they were seated in Dr. Phil's office, Edward and Bella sighed.

"You might as well let them in," Edward said as the rest of the Cullens piled into Dr. Phil's office.

"You do know you're going to have to change her Edward, it was the same for me," Dr. Phil said and all the jaws dropped in the room as Dr. Phil changed forms.

"Oh my god, Dr. Phil's a vampire" Emmett said quietly and everyone else rolled their eyes at Emmett's idiocy.

"Yes, my whole family is my wife was human and so were my adoptive sons and we follow your animal diet," Dr. Phil said.

"Finally Edward someone else besides you family agrees," Bella said.

"It's the best way because I did the same thing you id leave and then come back and it only sent my wife into deep depression," he replied.

"Fine," Edward said.

"Well I need to hunt so if you will excuse me," Dr. Phil said.

"No not at all but if you're ever in Washington again feel free to come to Forks," Carlisle said as they exited the office. Once everyone was seated in the jeep with Bella on Edward's lap and Alice on Jasper's they set off to check out of the hotel and head back to Forks.

"Edward, did you know Jacob is a werewolf?" Bella asked as they parked the car and everyone turned to stare at her.

"Oh this is just great," Rosalie said sarcastically.

"When did you find out?" Carlisle asked from the driver's seat.

"A week after he and two more wolves saved Laurent from killing me for Victoria," Bella said.

"Laurent tried to kill you!" Esme said.

"You really are a danger magnet," Emmett said and Rosalie smacked him hard on the back of the head.

"I can't believe it," Edward said as they walked into the hotel and to the elevators.

"I'm just glad my family is safe and whole again," Esme said.

Two hours after that the family was sitting in the Cullen living room watching Alice convince Bella to stay for a girl's night.

"Of course I'll hurt Edward if he tries to leave again," Alice said into the phone.

"Thanks Charlie," Alice said into the phone and hung up.

Alice of course then proceeded to drag Bella up the stairs to give her a makeover.

"You've only been back a matter of hours and you're already torturing me," Bella said as she was placed in the vanity chair.

"Shush," Alice said and in a record of an hour and a half she released Bella to Edward's room to sleep.

"I'm so tired," Bella said as she fell into Edward's arms.

"Sleep love and I'll never leave again," Edward said.

"They're all sitting outside the door right?" Bella asked.

"Goodnight Bella," Emmett called, and was smacked upon by everyone.

"Goodnight everyone," Bella said as she fell into a deep comfortable, nightmare free sleep.

"Oh look dear, Emmett's gotten so much taller," Esme said as another Emmett sized head dent became visible in the wall and Bella laughed, halfway to dream land while muttering something about skittles.


	2. Mike Newton Is A WHAT?

One sunny day in Forks, Washington all of the Cullens were lying around the living room waiting for Bella to come from school while scanning the TV channels. They all heard Bella pull up in the driveway and walk up to the house without tripping and thirty seconds later she burst through the door.

"I've just realized something Mike Newton is like that dinosaur from _Jurassic Park_!" Bella said.

"The gay one?" Emmett asked while Edward was on the floor in hysterics.

"Oh my god you're right," Alice said and everyone else nodded.

"I resent that statement," Mike said coming up behind Bella and Bella screamed bloody murder and slammed the front door in his face breaking his nose. Everyone was on the floor laughing as Mike walking away crying and whimpering about needing his Mommy.

Several minutes later everyone regained their composure and was sitting with their significant other around the room.

"I do agree with that statement Bella he's like some creepy stalker, gay freak," Rosalie said.

"Yeah, the whole family is kinda out there if you know what I mean," Esme said.

"Mrs. Newton brings Mike into the hospital every time he falls, or gets a cold, it's so annoying," Carlisle said.

"I videotaped the whole thing from where Bella bursts in to where Mike walks away crying for his Mommy," Jasper said.

"I want to show it at school to everyone tomorrow," Edward said.

"Agreed," everyone said.

The next day they all called an assembly and with a Cullen guarding each exit Mike had to endure the whole thing with a bandage on his nose that made him sound like a drunken pig. And everyone at Forks High School agreed to never let Mike Newton live it down.


	3. The Oldies?

Bella Swan walked up t o the Cullen house only to hear music coming from the second floor

Bella Swan walked up t o the Cullen house only to hear music coming from the second floor. Alice opened the door to greet Bella and catch her when she tripped over the threshold.

"Hey guys what's going on?" Bella asked.

"Carlisle and Esme are reminiscing in the past they've been listening to oldies music all day," Emmett whined.

"Queen is not from the oldies genre its rock," Jasper said.

"We installed a web cam early this morning in their bedroom and the study both can be shut off from here," Rosalie said as they watched Carlisle and Esme dance around the study to _Crazy Little Thing Called Love_.

"I find this somewhat creepy, but love the music," Edward said and everyone agreed. Around one in the morning Bella fell asleep snuggled into Edward's chest and everyone didn't bother to move her. The next morning Bella woke up in the same place and music was still playing from upstairs.

"Hey Bells, what's this song called?" Jasper asked.

"Um, _Don't Stop Me Now _why?" Bella asked, crawling over to the laptop.

"Well, er, Carlisle and Esme are kinda making out on camera," Emmett said.

"That's disturbing and what happened between you and Jacob about Skittles and M &M's?" Edward asked.

"Long story and stupid," Bella said.

"Why are we even watching this?" Alice asked.

"It's so addicting I just can't turn away," Rosalie said.

"I know, but now I can," Bella said as they all noticed that the music stopped and Carlisle and Esme were walking towards the door.

"Crap," Jasper said as they disconnected the web cam.

"Good morning Bella," Esme said dressed in a different outfit and Carlisle was right behind her.

"Morning Bella," Carlisle said.

"Can I make a point?" Emmett asked.

"Why not," Alice said exasperatedly.

"I hate oldies music," Emmett said stupidly. All five kids smacked their hands to their foreheads and Bella walked into the kitchen, got a frying pan and conked Emmett in the head with it.

"Idiot," Rosalie and Bella muttered under their breath.

"I'm hungry Edward, I want Dunkin Doughnuts munchkins the regular glazed ones," Bella whined.

"But the nearest Dunkin Doughnuts is in Port Angelos," Edward complained.

"Please Edward," Bella pouted.

"Ooh Jazzy could you go get me cougar blood?" Alice asked.

"Ooh me too," Rosalie said.

"WHAT!" Jasper and Emmett yelled.

"We want cougar blood," they replied.

"But…" Jasper and Emmett started.

"You know the punishment, boys," Rosalie said and the three boys hung their heads in shame and got their car keys and went to fetch their significant others needs.

"Carlisle," Esme asked and Carlisle sighed and got his keys.

"I'm going three cougar coming up," he sighed and Esme clapped her hands in an Alice way.

"That was fun," Bella said.

"Yeah," Alice, Rosalie, and Esme agreed. And thirty minutes later, Esme, Alice, and Rosalie were sucking cougar blood from water bottles and Bella, was munching on her doughnut holes.

"Are you satisfied because we need to hunt," Edward said gesturing to the four boys.

"Yep," came the reply from all four girls as they watched _Juno _on the TV.

AN: Here's chapter 3, I thought it would be a good idea to use the band Queen because all of my friends like it. Please review!


	4. Spiders Are Scary?

It was pouring rain in Forks, Washington and Edward Cullen and Bella Swan were in the Volvo

It was pouring rain in Forks, Washington and Edward Cullen and Bella Swan were in the Volvo.

"You have the video camera right?" Bella asked Edward.

"Yes love I wouldn't dream of forgetting it, especially from what Alice to us this morning," Edward said, smirking as they turned into the Cullen driveway and into the garage right next to the Mercedes.

"Carlisle's home early," Bella said.

"Alice called everyone wherever they were to be home for this," Edward said opening the door and found everyone on the balcony with a video camera.

"Hey Bella what do you think of my awesomeness?" Emmett asked coming into the room oblivious to everyone else.

"There's a giant spider on your head," Bella said sounding exactly like Maddie in that one episode of the Suite Life of Zack and Cody.

"W-w-what? Get it off, Mommy, mommy, spider!!" Emmett screamed running from the kitchen and to the living room at human speed.

"Shouldn't you tell him the spider's off his head?" Edward asked.

"Maybe later," Bella said.

"Wow," Jasper said.

"To the internet," Rosalie said running up the stairs.

"Emmett has issues," Bella said, walking up the stairs with Carlisle and Esme.

"Oh, yeah, some major issues," Carlisle said as Emmett ran into the living room again.

"He is funny to watch though," Esme said.

"Yeah!" Alice said.


	5. Emmett's Got Problems

Bella Swan burst into the Cullen living room drawing everyone's attention

Bella Swan burst into the Cullen living room drawing everyone's attention.

"Oh my god! Jake just imprinted on Leah," Bella said.

"The bitchy girl werewolf?" Rosalie asked.

"Yeah that's the one," Bella replied.

"Finally I can get some peace and quiet around here without some stinky dog around Bella all the time," Edward said.

"Oh my god I've had an epiphany, Sybil Trelawney looks exactly like that Spanish teacher at school Senora George!" Emmett screamed tripping down the stairs over his shoes.

"Emmett sweetie that's great for you," Esme said, looking extremely creeped out.

"How'd you trip down the stairs?" Carlisle asked.

"Oh, I forgot I had my Heelys on," Emmett said.

"Aren't those for little kids, oh right," Alice said, and suddenly went into a vision. "What ever you do let the answering machine get the phone and then pick up," Alice said as the phone rang.

_"Hi you've reached: Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Bella, Alice, Jasper, and Edward, we're sorry we missed your call, leave us your name and number and we'll get back to you soon." _

"Hey Bells, it's Mike Newton, Charlie said you were here so…" Mike said as the Cullens put the phone on speaker.

"How the hell did you get this number?" Rosalie demanded.

"Hey Bells you there," Mike asked.

"Don't call her Bells," Emmett said.

"So Bella do you want to go to a movie tonight with me?" Mike asked, ignoring everyone screaming at him including Bella and the loud bashing noise.

"Jasper please stop hitting your head into the wall you'll hurt yourself," Bella said.

"It's keeping me from driving over to Newton's house and kicking him so hard that he'll need surgery to repair his precious jewels," Jasper said.

"I was thinking we shove him into La Push and have Jake hit him," Bella said, not realizing that Emmett had disappeared.

"So yes or n…oh my god that's a huge spider! Mommy, Mommy please come kill the spider," Mike said screaming like a little girl.

"Here Mikey- poo let me kill the spider for you," Emmett said jumping out from behind a screaming Mike.

"Cullen get out of my house, and Bella I love you," Mike said.

"I hate you fag," Bella said and seconds later Emmett came back silently.

"Love you too," Mike said and hung up the phone.

"He is a fag," Alice said, and everyone else nodded.

"I put spiders in his bed," Emmett said.

"Yeah, okay, awkward," Edward said.

"Umm…Emmett there's another spider on your head the size of a softball," Esme said quietly.

"Oh my god get it off, get it off! Mommy please help me!" Emmett said and Carlisle came and hit Emmett with a frying pan to kill the spider.

"Oh Daddy you saved me," Emmett said hugging Carlisle.

"Who votes Emmett to rehab?" Carlisle asked. A series of I's came from the group.

"You're all meanie heads," Emmett said running up the stairs.

"This is such a normal family," Bella said sarcastically.


	6. Are You Australian?

A/N: I know I haven't posted in this story for a while so here's the next random moment. This is dedicated to my English teacher who is my beloved editor and will read this tomorrow when I show it to her. Oh and all the Cullen kids are in the same grade here! Please read and review!

Bella's POV

We all sat in English waiting for our teacher to come in. Edward seemed to be having a rather disturbing mental conversation with Rosalie and Emmett. I was laughing silently as Alice bounced in her seat and Jasper tried to calm her down. That's when I felt papers thrown at the back of my head. I whipped my head backwards to face the idiot throwing them. I should've known it would be Mike Newton, who was equal to a Golden Retriever.

"What!?" I hissed.

"Hi Bella, I was wondering if you wanted to come to the movies with me on Friday?" he asked.

"Mike did you know that 'I told you so has a brother' he's called 'SHUT THE HELL UP!" I yelled. Emmett whistled and Edward, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice glared coldly at Mike. Edward turned me around and secured his arm around my waist. Laughter erupted from the back of the room; see we had some new students in our school and I hated them. Just then the bell rang and the teacher walked in all talking ceased except from the new princesses in the back.

"Quiet!" the teacher yelled. "My name is Ms. Brown."

"Um…Ms. Brown how do you say your first name?" Angela asked quietly.

"Vilija," she replied (A/N: pronounced Vil-ia its Lithuanian).

"Are you Australian?" the new crown princess yelled.

"No I am not, and Rachel Green that was totally uncalled for, (A/N: based off someone I know who is the same way)" Ms. Brown snapped. As she went onto hand out the book report outline I could hear the lovely princesses giggling and whispering in the back. I could hear Rosalie growling softly from the table next to me.

"They're poking fun at her aren't they?" I asked Edward quietly.

"Correct, and in about five seconds Rosalie is going to yell at them and Esme is on her way to pick us all up," Edward whispered.

"Taire de l'enfer!" Rosalie yelled (A/N: meaning shut the hell up in French).

"Baiser mon cul!" Alice yelled (A/N: Meaning kiss my ass in French).

"Miss Hale and Miss Cullen that was completely uncalled for but I admire you work in foreign languages," Ms. Brown said. The intercom crackled to life and we were packed up and ready to go. On the way out I stopped by Rachel's table.

"Those phrases in French meant kiss my ass and shut the hell up and just because you're new here doesn't mean the show's all yours," I hissed. I walked over to Edward and he put his arm around my lower waist leaving Rachel and her friends gaping.

"Oh and Rachel I forgot to give you this," Rosalie said walking back over. She opened the note and anger rolled off her in waves and I was sure Jasper was fueling it.

"I can make my own choices of who I want to date!" she yelled.

"Really since me and my adoptive siblings are graduating this year Emmett gave me this nice rock the other day," Rosalie said flashing her NEW engagement ring. "The other two girls have there's as well, have a nice life." We left silently leaving Ms. Brown to yell at Rachel some more. Esme was waiting for us with the Jeep keys around her finger, Rosalie and Alice drove the other cars home earlier. She led us out without a word and then we started talking when we were out of range.

"Bella I must say that was very unlike you," Jasper said.

"She pissed me off!" I complained.

"Rosalie wasn't any better, but the whole joint wedding thing has become a good idea," Esme said.

"You heard that?" Emmett asked.

"I parked the car then hid close to the classroom, Alice told me last night to," Esme said. Carlisle stood by the trunk of the Jeep and Emmett being Emmett pulled a stupid one out of nowhere.

"Daddy!" he yelled running at human speed.

"You're car," Carlisle said and Emmett stopped inched from the Jeep.

"So what are we doing tonight?" I asked.

"Well Bella you know how the truck was acting up, I couldn't fix it," Rosalie said.

"New car time!" Emmett said as we drove off.

"Ooh that's the one from the mall parking lot last month, nice choice Bella and go with the tinted windows, there will be some interesting results," Alice said bouncing up and down in her seat.

"Oh that silver one?" Esme asked turning around.

"Yeah," I replied.

"I like that one," Esme replied.

"So do I," Rosalie said.

"See I'm lost now," Emmett said.

"So am I," Jasper said.

"Esme, Alice, Rosalie, that was completely unnecessary I am scarred mentally for life," Edward said.

"Oh I now which one now," Carlisle said.

"Oh I do as well! And it's a good car," Edward replied. We soon turned into the Mercedes Benz dealership.

"You want a Mercedes?" Emmett asked and I nodded.

"She's got good taste," Jasper said. Edward hoisted me out of the car and followed everyone else out at vampire speed. Alice dragged Carlisle toward the front desk.

"She had it custom built and was going to give it to me for Christmas," I said shrugging and walked to the model of the car where Edward was waiting.

"Ooh, the CLK 550 Cabriolet, nice Bella," Emmett said and walked off to look at the SUVs.

"You got this in?" Jasper asked.

"Black with tinted windows," I said. "We came and ordered it and by we I mean Alice and myself."

"Oh was that when I went hunting and you guys kept texting Rosalie?" Edward asked.

"Yep," Alice said. "See any thing you want Jazzy?"

"No I like you're car just fine," Jasper replied drawing her close.

"Carlisle's looking at the car and Rosalie can make it vampire worthy when we get home," Alice said softly.

"What was that Alice?" Rosalie asked pulling Emmett out of the driver's seat of a SUV.

"You need to work on the other car at home," Alice said.

"Duh," Rosalie said as she and Emmett walked over to us.

"Guys we can go now," Esme said walking over.

"Rosalie, after we get to the house I trust you completely while I virtually own Emmett," I replied.

"You are so on soon to be sister-in-law," Emmett said.

"Oh and there's this tiny scratch on your car from the other day when I drove back from the baseball game," I told Emmett.

"You promised," he said.

"Yeah I know, I promised but a rock came up and scratched the driver's side door," I said.

"Bella," Emmett growled.

"Look there's my car and my keys I've gotta go," I said and Edward ran be out the door at human speed.

"I'll see you at the house," Edward told me.

"Bye!" I said climbing into the car. Rosalie and Alice climbed into the car and Esme came over to the driver's side.

"I'll order from that Italian place for you," she told me.

"Thanks, Esme," I said.

"Bella keep the top up Mike's going to get rear-ended in his mom's car with his mom if we keep it up," Alice said. Rosalie hopped up front into the passenger's seat.

"Girls you'd better drive Emmett's coming," Esme said.

"Love you!" we all yelled and I turned the key in the ignition.

"Bella that's a big scratch!" Emmett yelled. I peeled out of the lot in response leaving Emmett cursing in the distance.

"Slow down to forty-five your Dad's patrolling up here," Alice said.

"Okay, I have the six CD changer right, Alice?" I asked.

"Yep and I loaded everything into this bag so what CD do you want?" she asked.

"Something that will annoy Edward, and Jasper, yet embarrass Emmett," Rosalie said.

"Ooh, Vanessa Hudgens' album Identified then," Alice said handing Rosalie the case.

"Where's Mike going to be?" I asked as Sneakernight blared out of the speakers.

"Up at the next light, they're going up to Port Angeles for some clothes," Alice replied. I stopped at the red light and sure enough Mike braked suddenly causing Tyler's van to rear end him. We burst out laughing, and I stepped on it when the light turned green.

"Lets grab my overnight stuff, and I'll spend the night you talked to Charlie this morning right?" I asked Rosalie and Alice.

"Yeah, as long as Edward and you don't do anything you're fine," Rosalie said.

"Great," I said and pulled into my driveway and Charlie was just getting out of the cruiser. He dropped his hat on the ground and stood gaping. I quickly shut off the car and got out with Rose and Alice.

"Charlie," Alice said.

"Dad!" I said.

"That's your new car?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah early wedding gift from these guys," I said. "Oh and I'm staying the night we have an English paper to do." I mentally kicked myself at the lie.

"Okay the game's on anyway," Charlie replied walking inside.

"Weird," Rosalie said and we ran inside. I tripped up the first four stairs then Rose carried me the rest of the way. Alice was already throwing clothes into a bag and I grabbed my pillow.

"Done, we can go!" Alice said.

"That's everything then," I said. Alice's eyes glazed over and we stood waiting for her to snap out of her vision. Thirty seconds later Alice was back to normal.

"We're changing the CD in the car," she said.

"Bye girls!" Charlie called on his way to the bathroom.

"Bye!" we all called. Rosalie lifted me up and we ran down the stairs and to the car.

"Which CD?" I asked.

"Avril Lavigne, the guys…well mostly Edward and Jasper can't stand her song Girlfriend," Alice said. I slammed the car into drive and pulled out of the drive. Rosalie blared the radio. When we reached town I saw Rachel and her other friends on the sidewalk. I smiled wickedly at Rosalie and Alice and I swerved into a fresh mud puddle spraying them with mud. Esme and Carlisle who were filling up the Mercedes at the gas station saw the whole thing and covered their mouths to stifle laughter. I turned into the gas station parking lot and pulled up next them.

"Bella that was mean," Esme said laughing.

"She's not all that great either, she was planning on getting to all the Cullen men this year," Rosalie said.

"On second thought great job though you might want to let Rose drive, like now," Carlisle said and I dove into the backseat with Alice's help. Rosalie was behind the wheel of my car and Esme behind the other.

"I'll spray them again," Rosalie said as she followed Carlisle and Esme out of the lot. The group of mud soaked girls got another spray from Esme and then us. Rosalie blared the horn three times for added effect. Alice climbed up front and turned the stereo up all the way. And for our pleasure it started raining as well. I was hysterical in the backseat and from Alice and Rosalie's laughter I could tell that they were furious back there. Carlisle and Esme beat us to the house by two seconds and Emmett was providing a dancing and singing performance for everyone. Rosalie placed her hand on the horn and scared the living daylights out of him.

"Bella not funny!" he yelled. I emerged out of the backseat and Rosalie came out of the driver's side door. "Rose!"

"You were scaring us there Emmett," she said simply.

"How on earth is there mud on this car already?" Edward asked.

"I had fun with Rachel and her friends," I said.

"She completely drenched them in mud, and Esme did it the second time and then I did it," Rosalie said.

"Then it started pouring rain," Alice added.

"Oh that's funny," Jasper said.

"Yeah and here's your food Bella," Carlisle said.

"Emmett, time to get working on the car," Rosalie said. Edward and I walked into the house so I could eat.

"So what are you doing tomorrow since its Friday?" Carlisle asked sitting down across from me.

"Well Alice said there'd be interesting results when people saw my car, and we're going to mess with Mike and Jessica as always," I replied.

"That Newton kid is weird," Esme said.

"The whole family is, his mom brings him in for every little bruise or virus," Carlisle said.

"Bella told him off today," Jasper said sitting on the counter.

"That was funny," Alice said hopping up next to Jasper.

"What'd you say?" Esme asked.

"Well he asked me out again, for the…" I trailed.

"3,569th time in two years," Jasper said flipping his phone open to check.

"You keep count?" Carlisle asked.

"Yeah and so I'm told him that I told you so had a brother and I screamed it's called shut the hell up," I finished.  
"I wonder if he was dropped on his head at a young age?" Alice asked. The phone started ringing.

"Don't get it!" Alice screamed. Rosalie and Emmett ran in as the machine clicked on.

_Hi you've reached: Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Bella, Edward, Alice, and Jasper we're sorry we missed your call please leave your name, number, and the time that you called and we'll get back to you soon. Unless it's you Mike! Emmett shut up!_

"Hi Bella its Mike, I was wondering if you…" he trailed and Rosalie picked up the receiver.

"Hi Mike this is Rosalie did you not here what the machine said," she hissed.

"Umm, I heard what the machine said," Mike said.

"Well here's what I think," Rosalie replied and let a very colorful string of curses fly. "And I warned you stop calling here!"

"Thanks Rose," Edward called.

"3,570th time," Jasper said.

"I'm going to the garage," Rosalie said. And you could here curses continue behind her and words like: moron, idiot, and stupid.

"Gotta love Rose," Emmett said.

"Emmett get your ass in here!" Rosalie yelled.

"Coming Rose," he called.

"Oh and Rose and I have the whole weekend planned out!" Alice chirped. "For everyone." She added.

"I'm going to read now and if it involves my games again you know where they are," I replied.

"Bottom of the hall closet, got it!" Alice said.

"You're on book four right Bella?" Jasper asked.

"Battle of the Labyrinth that's book four," I called. Edward came up and joined me shortly and I could hear Alice writing down things and squealing. I fell asleep around midnight and heard Emmett on the TV downstairs, practicing no doubt. At three o'clock I woke with a start.

"I've got the best idea ever!" I yelled. Emmett burst through the door first and was followed by everyone else.

"Tell me!" Emmett yelled.

"Do you still have those security sensors from the mall and those magazines and bumper stickers?" I asked Emmett.

"Yeah," he said. "Does this have to do with Newton because if it does I know what you're thinking?"

"Mike is the center of all of it," I said.

"Yes I'll be back in an hour," Emmett said.

"Pants, dear," Esme called.

"Pants, pants, second drawer from the top," Emmett said walking back to his room.

"Third drawer," Rosalie called.

"Okay Rose I love those and I will talk to you about them later," Emmett said walking down the hall again.

"Bye Emmett!" I yelled.

"Bye guys! Wait Jasper come with me!" Emmett yelled.

"Coming!" Jasper yelled grabbing the video camera from Alice.

"Okay I'm going back to my computer now," Alice said.

"I've got some magazines to look through," Rosalie said.

"I've got an Agatha Christie mystery waiting for me," Esme said.

"I've got to read Harry Potter seven," Carlisle said.

"Night!" I yelled and zonked back out. I had only been asleep for two hours more when I was nudged.

"Bella wake up!" Esme said.

"Huh, oh okay Alice usually jumps on me to wake me up," I said groggily.

"Yell what you want for breakfast to Emmett and then hop in the shower while I get your outfit and makeup," Esme said.

"Emmett, I want two of those mint chocolate chip poptarts from the freezer and some hot chocolate that won't kill me! Wait better yet Rosalie make me my hot chocolate and make sure Emmett doesn't do anything stupid!" I yelled.

"As you wish Bella!" Emmett yelled.

"Got it Bells!" Rosalie yelled. I hopped into the shower in Edward's bathroom and was out in ten minutes. I was greeted by Alice who dressed me and then left the rest to Esme.

"Mike's going to get yelled at so we're going to hide by his house and video tape it all and then watch Rachel and everyone else react to your car!" Alice squealed. I looked in the mirror and saw that I was wearing a black cotton tee with the words Edward's Girl written on it with a pair of skinny jeans. Esme came in next and brushed my hair and blow-dried it then ran a straightening iron through it.

"Thanks Esme," I said and she carried me downstairs after applying sparkle eye shadow and lipgloss.

"You're welcome Bella," she said and ran upstairs to get ready. In the kitchen Edward, Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper were looking at Emmett who had his hand stuck in the toaster. We heard a thud upstairs and all looked up and after five minutes we heard voices.

"Good morning to you as well Carlisle!" Esme said loudly.

"PDA sound carries loudly in this house!" Emmett yelled.

"Carlisle get the chainsaw Emmett's stuck in the toaster again!" Jasper yelled.

"Coming Jasper!" Carlisle yelled.

"Bella, poptarts are in the freezer and here's you're hot chocolate," Rosalie said handing me a thermos and threw me a package of poptarts she grabbed from the freezer.

"Ooh whipped cream today, thanks Rose," I said.

"Okay here we go again," Carlisle said coming in with the chain saw. Esme appeared behind be radiating happiness.

"I don't know why you guys have cable when there's that boob over there," I said. Emmett started laughing hysterically.

"You said boob!" he yelled.

"That's because you are one dummy!" Edward yelled.

"That's our third toaster this year," Esme sighed. Ten minutes later we were in the cars and on our way to the Newton's house. We parked a block away near some forest and I rode on Edward's back to Mike's house. We made good time because Mike's mom was in the garage on her way to the store when she spotted Mike's car.

"Michael Newton! What is the meaning of the inappropriate, vulgar shit on your car?" Mrs. Newton yelled.

"Mom! I swear that's not mine," he cried.

"Oh really then how come the magazines are addressed to Michael Newton at Newton's Olympic Outfitters?" Mrs. Newton asked.

"Mommy those aren't mine I saw Emmett Cullen with those!" Mike sobbed. Emmett and Rosalie took this as their cue and hopped down from their tree and walked down the block a bit. They walked forward with Emmett's arm around her waist and they had Starbucks cups in their hands as they approached the garage it was so funny.

"Good morning Mrs. Newton, Michael, lovely day isn't it," Rosalie said politely.

"Have a wonderful day at work Mrs. Newton and I'll catch up with you later Mike," Emmett said and continued talking to Rosalie about kids.

"Hello Emmett, Rosalie have a great day," she said before turning on Mike. "You expect me to believe that those two were behind this look at the great example they are setting for children! Unlike you Michael!"

By now we were laughing hysterically so we headed back to the cars. The navy seals weren't as prepared as we were.

"What time is it?" Emmett asked.

"Quarter to seven," Carlisle said.

"We got to go," Alice said. Edward grabbed my car keys and hauled me to the car. "Mike's leaving now so drive and I'll keep in touch with these." She added tossing walkie-talkie to each pair.

"10:4," Emmett said into the walkie-talkie.

"You're an idiot!" I said into the talkie. Edward laughed and we climbed into my car with Edward driving. Carlisle honked from behind Emmett.

"Center stupid!" he yelled out the window. "Get in the center of the lane you moron!" he added into the talkie.

"Mrs.-Know-It-All this is Miss Repressed with the grouchy Mr. Repressed driving is our target on his way yet?" I asked into the talkie.

"Love the code names Miss Repressed and yes he just left," Alice said into the talkie.

"Mr. Sexy if you would please control your driving its distracting Mr. Repressed over here," I said.

"Sorry Miss Repressed, but Mrs. Sexy is egging me on!" Emmett whined into the talkie.

"Mr. Sexy this is Mr. Emotions stop trying to distract me while Mrs.-Know-It-All is driving!" Jasper yelled into their talkie.

"Dr. Sexy and Married-To-Dr.-Sexy would like Mr. and Mrs. Sexy to stop distracting each other and drive!" Carlisle yelled into the walkie-talkie.

"Sorry," Emmett and Rosalie said into the talkie.

"Mr. Repressed you're going to need to switch seats with Miss Repressed so pull over," Alice said.

"Okay," I said into the talkie and Edward eased over to the shoulder of the road. I climbed out of the car and Alice tossed her keys to Jasper.

"Edward drive my car," Rosalie said tossing her keys to Edward.

"Rose, what the hell!" Emmett said.

"Emmett that car's my baby," Rosalie replied getting into the passenger's side of my car. Edward told Emmett to drive with Carlisle and Esme and drove away behind me. I put the top down on my convertible about a mile from the school. We looked pretty weird driving in a straight line and all. When we did turn into the parking lot everyone looked right at us. Rachel and her friends were talking on the sidewalk and hadn't noticed us yet so I put the top up.

"That's the car that sprayed me with mud yesterday!" Rachel screamed. "And so is that black one!"

I shut the ignition off and picked up the walkie-talkie. "Miss Repressed to Mr. Repressed are you ready to piss Rachel off?" I asked.

"Ready when you are Bella," Esme said into the talkie. I looked at Rose and Alice and nodded. "Get out in three, two, and one." We all stepped out of the cars together at the same time. I slammed my car door harder than necessary.

"You!" Rachel screamed pointing at me. "How dare you drench me with mud and your little friends too!"

"Oh you mean my future in-laws," I snapped.

"Bella would never do something like that and neither would Dr. Cullen and his wife," Angela yelled.

"Yeah what are you talking about?" Mike yelled.

"The only reason I came here this morning was to get my homework, but you're right I did drench you with mud," I said.

"Why you little freak!" she screamed.

"Yeah, someday I might grow out of that but you will never stop being a bitch," I said and walked away with Edward.

"Rachel got owned! Rachel got owned!" the people in the parking lot chanted.

"Bye," Rosalie sneered. Rachel inched toward my car but Emmett was already in front of it.

"I don't think you want to do that unless you have the 90, 000 dollars to replace it," Emmett said. Esme and Carlisle headed toward the office to make up some excuse to get us out of class. When they returned, I was neck and neck with Rachel.

"I don't care if you're his, he will be mine all of them will be mine!" Rachel screamed.

"Screw you," I said and she shoved me.

"What'd you just say?" Rachel questioned.

"I said screw you," and I shoved her back. Carlisle came over and steered me back to my car. I got into the driver's seat and slammed the door shut and Edward came to sit in the seat next to me.

"You alright?" he asked.

"Yeah I'm fine," I said and peeled out of the lot.

"Miss Repressed if you could head back to the house it'd be great we have some planning to do," Alice said.

"Will do Mrs.-Know-It-All," I replied and sped of toward the Cullen house.

A/N: I know crappy ending but Chapter 7 is better and if you want the next chapter sooner you'll have to review. But here's the next chapter title: Prank Calling Mike Newton.


	7. Prank Calling Mike Newton!

A/N: Okay so it's after Halloween and of course I'm eating candy. So I present to you Chapter 7 written during my 8th Grade History class on Thursday October 30, 2008. Please R&R!!

"So Bella, what do you want to do?" Esme asked from her spot with Carlisle.

"Get a new phone; Mike Newton won't stop texting me!" Bella yelled, throwing her phone down.

"If the phone rings don't get it!" Alice yelled running down the stairs seconds before the phone rang.

_I you've reached: Carlisle, Esme, Bella, Edward, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett. We're sorry we missed your call, please leave your name, number, and the time that you called and we'll get back to you soon. _

"Hi Bella this is Tyler…" he said and Rosalie picked up the receiver.

"Stop calling here!" she yelled and threw down the receiver. "Idiots always calling and interrupting things!"

"Hey I've got an idea!" Jasper said.

"Okay spill it," Carlisle said.

"Well we call Mike Newton and have Rosalie imitate Bella, then have here make up some excuse to meet him someplace, and have his parents and us be there before him, therefore; tricking and scaring him in the process," Jasper said.

"I'm in!" Emmett said.

"Us too!" Bella said.

"Shut up I'm calling them!" Rosalie said.

"Hello Bella," Mike said picking up. Rosalie forced down a string of curses.

"Hi Mike, listen Edward's off camping with the others and I'm lonely," Rosalie said imitating Bella perfectly.

"How about you meet me at the school parking lot?" Mike said.

"Fine," Rosalie said and hung up. "Done and oh my god he's a perv!"

"Now call the house phone Emmett," Alice said. "He's told his Mom he's going to Jessica's house and left to go to the store."

"Okay toss the phone Rose," Emmett said and started dialing seconds later.

"Hello," Mrs. Newton said.

"Hello, Mrs. Newton this is Emmett Cullen, I hate to bother you but Mike has done something to upset Bella she just rushed in here crying and everything," Emmett said keeping a straight face.

"He's so meant to me!" Bella yelled in the background.

"Oh I heard that what has he done to her?" she asked.

"He hasn't stopped calling here and our answering machine is full of messages and Bella's cell hasn't stopped ringing, since she got here," Emmett said. "And he's forced Bella to meet him at the high school parking lot."

"We'll meet you there," Mrs. Newton said and hung up.

"Oh I love this part of my life," he responded.

"Okay so I'll make Bella cry for effect, and Carlisle can drive the Jeep," Jasper said.

"Great!" Bella said and Edward carried her to the car.

"Emmett keys please!" Carlisle said and caught them in his hand. Five minutes later they were in the parking lot with Mr. and Mrs. Newton. As promised Bella was crying and they all were hidden in the shadows. Mike's headlights soon flashed into the parking lot and he turned into the nearest spot.

"Ooh you brought the Jeep nice!" Mike said.

"Hello Michael," Mr. Newton said stepping out of the shadows at the same time as everyone else.

"What's going on? You said they were camping!" Mike yelled.

"They were on their way until I stopped by so we're solving the problem!" Bella snapped.

"What problem?" Mike said.

"The problem that cost me a $400 dollar phone bill, for my home phone and Bella's phone," Carlisle said.

"We've received 300 phone calls from Mike's cell and your home phone in the past twenty-four hours," Esme said.

"And Bella's inbox is full of texts that just keep asking for dates," Edward said.

"You have no evidence!" Mike said.

"What's this then?" Emmett said holing a tape recorder in one hand and pressed play.

_"Hi Bella, this is Mike again, I've noticed you haven't returned any of my phone calls but that doesn't matter just meet me at the movie theater in an hour." _

"MICHEAL NEWTON!" Mrs. Newton yelled.

"There's more where that cam from," Alice said.

"Lots more," Rosalie said.

"Keys, phone, camera, NOW Mike!" Mr. Newton demanded.

"But DAD they set me up!" he protested.

"That's not the point you've basically been stalking Bella from the moments she got here behind our backs," Mrs. Newton said.

"You've cost them money and traumatized Bella and the Cullens enough, now apologize!" Mr. Newton demanded.

"I apologize for my behavior," Mike ground out.

"Apology accepted Mike," Bella said normally.

"Thanks Mike," Emmett said.

"You pull anything stupid," Rosalie said.

"Thanks for taking the time to deal with this," Carlisle said.

"No problem," Mr. Newton said. Mike did the call me sign to Bella that went unnoticed to his parents but not to the Cullens.

"That's it you'd better run Mike!" Bella yelled chasing after him. They ran straight into the forest. And seconds later Mike ran out screaming. Edward smiled and everyone realized it was Jacob.

"Relax Newton, it's only me!" Jacob said coming out of the forest with Bella.

"Jacob," Rosalie ground out.

"I'm so sorry Bella!" Mrs. Newton said and dragged Mike off by his ear toward her car. Mr. and Mrs. Newton drove off in their separate cars.

"Nice timing Jacob," Edward said.

"Scared the hell out of that kid!" Emmett said.

"We owe you Jacob!" Jasper said.

"No problem Billy's over at Charlie's so I decided to run for a bit," he replied.

"Well great now Bella smells like dog, no offense Bella," Rosalie said.

"Whatever blondie, bye Bella," Jacob said and took off into the forest.

"We're not going back to the house are we?" Bella asked.

"Nope tomorrow's game day so we have to go get some new board games," Alice said.

"Oh boy," Esme said and got into the car following everyone else.

"Game day with Emmett I'm slightly scared," Bella said.

"Bella, the last time we did game night Emmett whipped the board game for Scrabble out the window," Carlisle said.

"Well who knew Esme would beat me by spelling out panoramic," Emmett said shrugging. Everyone burst out laughing as Carlisle drove toward the Walmart in Seattle.

A/N: Okay so it was not that funny but Mike was getting on my nerves a bit so my friends and I decided to poke some fun at him. Chapter 8 will be family game day with the Cullens. Please R&R! And the more reviews the sooner the next chapter comes out!


	8. An Ingenious Idea Spawned By Bella

**A/N: Due to many reviews asking me to continue this story I will. So my lovely readers I RETURN WITHOUT WRITER'S BLOCK!**

**BFF: You're a retard you know that. No wonder you question if he likes you like that.**

**Me: Shut up, I'm doing an author's note.**

**BFF: Yeah well I'm playing Nancy Drew and monkeys are throwing rocks at me so STFU.**

**Me: Forget her, on with the chapter! Please review. Rated T for language. **

**BFF: You're a beggar you know that. Oh and Bella is vamp in this chapter.**

**Me: That's my job to do that. (Launches self at her) Does not follow the events of Breaking Dawn either.**

**Mom: Don't spill that damn blue ink all over your carpet!**

The Cullens were sitting around the living room. Emmett had his Bluetooth mic in his ear and was playing the game Warhawk. Alice had her iPod on and was listening to Demi Lovato. Rosalie was flipping through the latest issue of _People_ magazine. Esme was reading the last _Percy Jackson and the Olympians _book. Carlisle was watching an episode of _House M.D._ on his iPod Touch. Edward was sitting at the piano not doing anything but had his cellphone on the top of the piano. Jasper was playing with the ends of Bella's mid-back length hair. Bella was texting someone on her phone.

"Jazzy, why are you playing with Bella's hair?" Alice asked.

"It's soothing and there's nothing else to do," Jasper replied.

"NO! You stupid dumbass you team killed me!" Emmett yelled into his mic.

"Alice, no way in hell am I participating in that project," Edward said looking at his phone.

"But we have too it's the only way we graduate," Alice pouted.

"Son, you're doing the project," Carlisle said not looking up from his iPod.

"Carlisle, do the Greek Gods and Goddesses really exist?" Esme asked.

"Yes, dear and so do they're demi-god children why do you think we had that bad series of storms that was Typhon tearing fighting for Kronos," Carlisle replied.

"Are you serious?" Rosalie asked. "Because from what I know of Zeus is this old fat ass whose wife Hera has a stick shoved up her butt."

Thunder boomed above. "Holy shit, guys the Greek Gods exist! Zeus just got pissed off!" Emmett yelled into the mic.

"I'd watch it Rose," Jasper warned.

"Oh shove it," she replied.

"Get the phone and make up some weird excuse," Alice said and it rang a few seconds later.

"Who is it going to be?" Edward asked.

"Chanel calling to ask if I wanted to preview the winter line but, I saw it in a vision so I don't need to," Alice replied.

"Sheffield residence Fran Fine speaking?" Bella answered hanging upside down off the couch while using the perfect Fran Drescher impersonation.

"I'm trying to reach Alice Cullen?" the woman said.

"Oh hang on a minute, Mr. Sheffield there's a woman on the phone for you," Bella yelled still doing her impersonation and handed the phone to Emmett.

"Maxwell Sheffield Broadway producer what can I do for you?" Emmet said doing the exact voice.

"Ummm…I'm looking for an Alice Cullen," the woman repeated.

"One moment, Niles phone I think it's the girl from the spy shop," Emmett said and tossed the phone to Edward.

"Hello," he answered doing the perfect Niles impression. "No, hang on a moment, Miss Babcock phone's for you it's your inflate-a-date's wife I believe!"

"Give me that!" Rosalie yelled doing the perfect Lauren Lane voice. "Hello, hello."

"Is Alice Cullen there?"

"Yes, hang on a moment," Rosalie said tossing the phone to Alice. "Alice it's one of your friends!"

"My name's Maggie," Alice said doing the impression. "Hello Michael?"

"No, I'm looking for Alice Cullen."

"Brighton, it's for you!" Alice yelled tossing the phone to Carlisle.

"Hello? No I don't know an Alice Cullen is that you? Wait hang on she might be my sister's friend," Carlisle said doing the perfect voice and handed the phone to Esme.

"Grace Sheffield," Esme said. "No there is no Alice Cullen here, sorry for keeping you," she added and hung up.

The family relapsed into a comfortable silence. "Carlisle?" Bella asked.

"Yes," he answered turning off his iPod Touch.

"Can we make a trampoline for all of us?" she asked.

"Yeah, can we I mean they look so fun," Rosalie said. "The only thing we've been doing for the past two days is sitting around here. And I'm tired of reading about Kate Gosselin and her kids!"

"It's going to be difficult but I think we can do it," Carlisle said.

"Yay," Alice said clapping her hands. "It's going to cost about ten grand."

"So we're going to need steel, a material that can bounce but restrain our force of when we bounce on it, foam, and springs," Jasper listed off.

"I've been working on the material thing since I had that vision two months ago," Alice said. "I have it down to perfection."

"But, I thought today was family game day?" Emmett pouted.

"Oh shut your yap," Edward said and Bella started giggling.

"Who says that…I would've said 'God Banana shut you're frickin' gob," Bella said laughing.

"_Juno!_ That line was from _Juno!" _Esme, Alice, and Rosalie yelled.

"Speaking of that subject Lauren is knocked up," Carlisle said off-handedly.

"Shut up!" six said.

"Who is the Dad?" Jasper asked.

"She isn't positive, I think she was brought in very hung-over by her mother the next morning," he replied.

"Serves the bitch right," Rosalie said.

"Anyway, let's divide and conquer here," Alice said. "Carlisle, Esme you two go to home depot with Emmett and Jasper to find the steel that we need…you should be fine. Edward, Bella you guys help clear an area in the backyard near the forest. Rosalie I'll need your help with the finishing up the material for the actual trampoline."

"To the Emmett mobile!" Emmett yelled shutting off his PS3 and grabbing the keys to the Jeep.

"You are a loser," Jasper said.

"I'll be right there let me get the checkbook," Carlisle said.

"The important thing is when you get back I need to pick something up at Home Depot," Esme said, doing a perfect impression of Lauren Lane from the _Nanny_ episode_ "Maggie's Wedding_."

"We have got to stop watching Nick at Nite," Bella said.

"I know, C.C. used that line on Niles and it just sounds wrong coming from Esme," Edward said.

Two hours later the entire family was gathered in the back of the yard near the forest.

"Emmett keep it taught!" Esme yelled, completely fed up with her moronic son.

"Sorry Esme!" Emmett yelled back.

"Two more and then we're done!" Alice yelled.

"Done!" Carlisle yelled.

"Yay!" Bella yelled and flipped onto the trampoline with Rosalie. The two were giggling and jumping up and down going higher and higher.

"It works!" Jasper yelled joining the two on the trampoline. Emmett and Edward climbed up and onto the trampoline.

"Shall we join them love?" Carlisle asked.

"Why not," Esme said and climbed up.

"This thing looks exactly like the one in the store, but better," Rosalie said jumping up and down.

"I know ingenious idea right?" Alice said doing a back flip.

"Ahh Carlisle!" Esme laughed as he grabbed her waist in mid air.

"Hey Rose, this is a new place to you know…" Emmett said waggling his eyebrows.

"How about no," Rosalie replied kicking him in the chest from thirty feet above ground.

"This is actually fun," Edward said.

"Look who finally came out of the closet," Bella teased.

"Why you!' Edward said and jumped up to where she was. The two collided with a crash and fell back down onto the trampoline. The Cullens jumped around until it was dark out. They collapsed and lay around the trampoline.

"What time is it?" Jasper asked with his arm around Alice.

"About midnight," Esme said from her place on Carlisle.

"What the hell are you two even doing over there?" Bella asked.

"Nothing!" Carlisle and Esme yelled.

"Oh then it's something," Edward said. "They're blocking me!"

"Oh sod off Edward, they were just making out," Alice said. Emmett and Rosalie flopped back onto the trampoline.

"Where did you two go?" Carlisle asked.

"We just went out there for a…" Emmett started.

"Say no more," Bella yelled.

"Okay, your loss because there's a nice spot by the…" Rosalie said. A chorus of been there and during the full moon came from the other six.

"During the full moon?" they asked Carlisle and Esme.

"Very romantic," Esme sighed.

"Try very awkward right now," Jasper said.


	9. Zombies!

**A/N: Me: New chapter…YAY!!!**

**BFF: You are so weird, no, no, no…damn she fell again! (****Turns off game and starts watching Suite Life of Zack and Cody****)**

**Me: On with the chapter! Please R&R! Bella is human in this one but living with the Cullens.**

Bella POV

We (as in all the Cullen kids) were at this new zombie movie that Esme and Carlisle specifically told us not to go to. It wasn't that scary, Jasper was just having fun giving me an anxiety attack.

"Would you freaking stop it!" I hissed at him.

"What ever do you mean sister dear," he replied smirking. I stuck my tongue out at him and cuddled back into Edward.

After the movie we headed back to the house, it was nearly midnight. Edward carried me up to his room. Everyone else in the house was doing his or her own thing. Sometime during the night Edward got up to check on something. I was dreaming about blocking the front door from zombies.

Alice POV

All of us were downstairs when Bella walked down the stairs…sleepwalking obviously. I had a vision about it earlier and told everyone but Carlisle and Esme. Jasper had the video camera out and was waiting for the perfect moment.

"What is she doing?" Carlisle asked and we all shrugged.

"Must stop zombies," Bella said and dropped a lamp on Carlisle's foot. "Sorry zombie."

"Zombie?" Carlisle questioned.

"Bella, what's going on?" Esme asked walking down the stairs.

"Must stop zombie Mom," Bella said.

"Zombies?" Esme demanded of us.

"Trombie. Clombie. Sombie. I got nothing," Emmett said.

"She's sleepwalking," Rosalie said.

"How are we going to wake her up?" Carlisle asked.

"Edward if you would," I said.

"Bella, I've decided that we can have sex before we get married," Edward said.

Bella POV

"Are you serious? Wait why am I in the living room?" I asked.

"You were trying to stop the zombie mom," Esme said with her arms folded over her chest.

"We told you not to go see that movie," Carlisle said.

"Awww…come on she wasn't that scared in the first place I was just adding to it," Jasper said turning off the camera.

"You are all grounded and no Bella he wasn't serious and if he was we'd have grounded you from it," Esme said.

"Two weeks you are all going to be without what you want most," Carlisle said. "Not each other because that just causes breakdowns," he added and I relaxed.

"Edward no piano, Rosalie no cars, Emmett no Warhawk, Jasper no model making, Alice no online shopping, and Bella no driving the truck," Esme said.

"Come on!" we all yelled and started sulking.

"Well one positive thing came out of all this," Emmett said.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Zombie!" Jasper and Emmett yelled.

"Where?" I screamed and darted under a blanket.

"That just keeps getting better," Emmett said laughing. Carlisle and Esme shook their heads and chuckled while Edward calmed me down.


	10. You Threw Off My Groove!

**A/N: Props to my best friend…**

**BFF: Thank you very much.**

**Me: Let me finish first, for helping me with the idea. Gods, you threw off the entire thing. **

**BFF: You're just pissed b/c he doesn't like you back. **

**Me: Shut the hell up it's not making me feel any better if you keep on berating me about it! Gods you are all retards sometimes! On with the story, while I go freaking cry my eyes out thanks to you!**

**BFF: Well sorry, I'm just waiting for my retard to try and get back together with me! Read and review people! Men honestly what will you do with them? Come back here you need a hug.**

**Me: I don't want a freaking hug I want him to like me back!!! At least Bryn Elizabeth knows how I feel!**

Emmett Cullen was alone in the lower level of the Cullen house. He glanced around before running up the stairs at vampire speed. He came back downstairs with one of Carlisle's ties around his head, Jasper's white button up shirt half open, white boxers on, and Esme's feather duster. He quickly turned on the stereo.

He ran into the kitchen and waited for the intro to start. The familiar first notes of _Old Time Rock and Roll_ started and Emmett slid into the living room. He started to lip sync to the song and do the Risky Business dance.

A few moments later the front door opened and Edward walked in backwards while watching Bella get out of her car. Edward bumped into a dancing Emmett who froze. Alice ran by at vampire speed and turned off the music.

"YOU THREW OFF MY GROOVE!" Emmett yelled turning on Edward.

"Dude, I'm sorry," Edward said and Rosalie came running down the stairs.

"Oh great job, now you threw off his groove," Rosalie said completely annoyed.

"Man, I didn't realize," Edward, said laying a hand on Emmett's shoulder.

"Whoa no touchy! No touchy!" Emmett said waving his hands in a protective motion. By now the other occupants of the house were in the room.

"Oh for the love of God," Rosalie said. "Bella get in the passenger's seat of the Jeep. The rest of you find a seat in the Jeep while I get the keys."

Everyone scrambled to the garage. Rosalie got in the driver's side a few minutes later after tossing some stuff into the trunk of the car.

"Rose, where are we going?" Bella asked.

"Bella now as my vampire sister you will join me in stopping the idiocy of these two dumbasses," Rosalie replied turning to Edward and Emmett. She pulled out of the garage and started driving down a mud road. She stopped the car about fifteen minutes later.

"Where are we?" Emmett asked.

"Get out of the car," Rosalie said. "Bella come here, help me break this off," she added gesturing to a huge tree trunk.

The two vampires broke half the tree off and stood it right side up. "You, idiot one here," Rosalie said to Edward. "You moron two here," she said to Emmett.

Bella went to the trunk of the car and got the rope Rose asked for. With vampire speed Rosalie had Emmett and Edward tied to the tree trunk. The two girls moved up the path carrying the trunk and tossed it off into the river below where it bobbed up and down like a cork. Esme, Carlisle, Alice, and Jasper watched with the two.

"Uh oh," Edward said.

"Don't tell me we're about to go over a huge waterfall," Emmett said calmly.

"Yep."

"Sharp rocks at the bottom?"

"Most likely."

"Bring it on," Emmett said right before they went over. "Booyah!" he yelled.

"You're going to leave them aren't you?" Esme said.

"Yup come on guys," Bella said.

"Greatest plan ever, Emmett watched that movie the other night so he's been annoying me ever since," Rosalie said.

"Now what do we do?" Carlisle asked.

"I have no freaking idea!" Alice yelled. An hour later the family was at home out of the rain. Emmett and Edward on the other hand were trekking up a muddy path.

"They left us here," Emmett said.

"No duh, you freaking dumbass!" Edward yelled to the sky. Lightning struck the tree next to him. "Aww shit."

"You made the lightning mad, you should say sorry," Emmett said seriously.

"Why have you trapped me with such and idiot?" Edward screamed to the sky.

The rest of the family was sitting around the living room. "They're probably pissed," Jasper said.

"Most likely," Alice said.


	11. I Used Your Clarinet To Unclog My Toliet

**A/N: I just became a fan of the Hash Slinging Slasher on Facebook and remembered a funny quote from the Spongebob episode so here you guys go! Please review.**

Oh boy were we in trouble. We screwed up big time. See Esme and Carlisle were gone for the weekend hunting and let's just say the house isn't that great looking. We had been cleaning all morning trying to fix the house. Outside a car door slammed shut.

"Quick get in a line!" Alice said and we all hurried into place.

"Where's Emmett?" I asked.

"Hey guys I found a toboggan!" Emmett yelled from upstairs.

"Edward before we die I just want to tell you one thing," Jasper said.

"And what's that?" Edward asked as Carlisle and Esme walked in the front door.

"I used your clarinet to unclog my toilet," Jasper said.

"What is going on here?" Carlisle asked.

"My house!" Esme cried.

"We leave you home alone for two days and look what you've done…where in the name of God is Emmett?" Carlisle demanded.

"STAIR SLEDDING!!!!" Emmett yelled and came flying down the stairs on the toboggan with white feathers flying all around him.

"We're beyond screwed," Rosalie said putting her head in her hands.

"More importantly you used my clarinet to unclog your toilet?" Edward asked Jasper. Esme simply shook her head and walked into the kitchen with Carlisle.


End file.
